Written by NODDY
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Tags: Banks

Thursday, 26 February 2009

1) As a banker, play Monopoly with your Company's money. Win to get a massive bonus, lose and still get a large bonus. Negotiate an obscene pension.

2) Lose £billions in careless gambling and bring your bank to the brink of ruin.

3) Persuade Government that your bank is too important to be left to die a natural death, and that thousands of jobs will be at risk if the bank goes under.

4) Get an injection of taxpayers' money to keep the bank afloat and all those staff employed.

5) Hoard the money your bank was loaned and refuse to lend any money to others. Keep using that private jet or they may take it away.

6) Get the Government to take over your "toxic" debt and lend you more taxpayers' money.

7) Make thousands of your staff redundant to "cut costs", from the bottom up.

8) Without the toxic element, and with a more prudent loan policy, start to show a profit after 3 years.

9) Bonuses all round and a return to the good old days.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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