Written by Skoob1999
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Tags: 10 Things, Sex

Saturday, 7 February 2009

image for 10 Ways To Please The Woman In Your Life - A Geezer's Guide I Got These For Three Quid On eBay - Oh Do Fuck Off!

Just in case you guys were wondering, here are ten ways GUARANTEED to please your significant other.

1- Tell her she's gorgeous, even first thing in the morning when she looks like a puffy eyed war veteran.

2 - Tell her dinner was delicious, even if it was a heap of shit with gravy. Tell her it was lovely.

3 - When you're about to go out, tell her that she looks so ravishiing that you'd rather drag her upstairs, right now, immediately and urgently, but try not to go too far with this because she might take you up on it.

4 - Tell her that every woman you find vaguely sexually attractive is a dog. It sparks their ego.

5 - Tell her that even though your team are currently playing live in the Champion's League final that you're more than happy to discuss her day at work, even though it's coming up to a penalty shoot-out.

6 - Tell her that you love her so much, you'll give up the booze. Which would be a blatant lie, but who cares?

7 - Tell her that you really appreciate all the hard work she puts in on eBay. And no, it's not inconvenient to drive two hundred miles for something that is frankly neither use nor fucking ornament.

8 - Just let the clever bitch know that you have your own taste in music and film. And that your own judgement has been proven over the years to be right.

9 - Con the cow into occasionally feeding the fucking cats she plonked on your doorstep. Because they were 'cute.'

10 - Let her choose the family car, and don't be surprised when it turns out to be a hatchback. With room for more eBay begotten crap.

Don't know about you guys,

It works for me.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

Share/Bookmark

Go to top