Written by Duff
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Sunday, 1 February 2009

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Dear Duff,

You may think that this is a rather trivial matter but to me it's actually a matter of life and death.

I'm currently suspended from a suspension bridge (rather apt that isn't it?)But thanks to modern technology and in particular my Blackberry, I am in fact able to email you asking for assistance.

So, do you think that if I try and struggle free from the straight jacket that Nosher McSporran has tied me into, that the thin rope I'm dangling from might break, thus resulting in me plunging into the icy river some 150 feet below?

As you can imagine my options are a bit limited and the only alternative to the plan I've just sketched out would appear to hang here and hope that (a) Nosher changes his mind and releases me, or (b) some law enforcement officer happens upon me just in the nick of time.

And I know what you're thinking - how can he be emailing me if he's tied into a straight jacket? Good question and one I'd be tempted to ask myself were I to be in your shoes.

Fortunately the answer is simple. I have amazing dexterity in my toes and I'm doing all this with me feet.

Big Dave
Fife

Duff replies:

Dear Big Dave

Kudos to you and your amazing feet. I don't think I'd be able to do that with mine. On the broader issue you do seem to have got yourself into a tight spot don't you?

I'd just hope for the best really and that it all finishes up OK for you.

Be sure and write if you do manage to make it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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