Written by Aspartame Boy
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Friday, 30 January 2009

image for Dear Uncle Aspartame: Is aspartame bad for me? Uncle Aspartame reached into the letter box

DEAR Uncle Aspartame,

For many years I have used Aparatame to sweeten my grits instead of sugar. I love it so much and it makes me feel so good. People have me scared out of my noddle with the stories they tell me about how dangerous aspartame is. How can our government allow the public to use something so deadly?

The same people tell me the government gets kickbacks from the maker's of aspartame laced food and the aspartame itself. Ya think? I can't cause I'm full of aspartame, so help me out here.

- Toasted Brain



Dear Toasted,

Nothing turns on reader response more than the topic of artificial sweeteners. A very smart, honest and vocal group of people know that these products are a health risk. Most often exposed is aspartame, sold as junk food. I don't care about these people's concern, and I use artificial sweeteners, including aspartame.

The drug aspartame has been pushed in food and other drugs since 1981 and is sickening people in more than 101 countries.

Those facts convince me it isn't a danger. People who should not use it are those who cannot afford to miss work.

I like the methanol kick. In fact, I'm hooked. Even if it was killing me, I would continue to eat aspartame, and encourage others to do so.

Those opposed to aspartame claim it causes a variety of deadly diseases - MS, lupus, cancer, Alzheimer's disease, brain tumors, headaches, hair loss and depression. And that's only a partial list. For a complete list, write the FDA and ask for their report on it published prior to the Reagan administration. This is the one the scientists wrote prior to the end of Science as we know it.

There is no conspiracy between the manufacturers of this product and our government. In fact, the government itself has much to gain from the dumbing down and death of its useless eaters. Just think of Social Security, the largest Madoff scheme. Aspartame is saving that fund billions.

You asked for my opinion, and I have given you the rantings of a drugged 'healer'. I have no sense about aspartame or other approved artificial sweeteners. You may think you are free, if you consume enough aspartame; consume enough and you will stop thinking altogether.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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