Written by Illusnist
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Thursday, 22 January 2009

A whole new breed of physical fitness has been discovered near the southern tip of Florida, and it comes with four legs, and six legs, and sometimes no legs at all.

Each morning the exercise routine begins with extricating large and sometimes poisonous snakes from the public showers, an exercise that is equal to a three hour cross country jog. But that's just the beginning, and your Florida fitness at Flamingo routine is going to help you take the pounds off in a hurry.

After the pleasing camp fare of sandy eggs and lumpy grits, everyone pairs off in groups of two or 4, and enjoy a wonderfully aerobic two hour self-guided boardwalk tour. Frequent stops are provided, allowing team members to slap one another on the ears under the guise of swatting mosquitoes.

After the invigorating boardwalk, during which most people burn over 500 calories, and give up nearly 4 ounces in blood to local parasitical insects, enjoy your afternoon fishing in one of the many streams flowing into Florida Bay from the Everglades National Park. Each participant will be given bait that is especially attractive to the alligators or crocodiles which live in that particular body of water, and faced not only with the task of catching their night's meal, but in defending that catch from giant hungry reptilians.

After the evening meal of sand coated, half-cooked minnow cakes, join in the camp festivities by mimicking native American dances as you slap and dodge large flying insects. Many nights are highlighted by sudden rainshowers which last only long enough to soak everything thoroughly.

There is nothing quite so enjoyable as trying to catch wild raccoons which are intent on stealing your wallet at three in the morning, but many Flamingo visitors report that trying to set up camp amid a flock of squawking seagulls is a close second.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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