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Thursday, 18 December 2008

image for Larry King's Off-The-Wall Interview With Muntazer 'The Shoe-Tosser' al-Zaidi Larry King interviewing Muntazer al-Zaidi (alias The Shoe Tosser)

SEATTLE, Washington- Larry King flew up to Seattle to interview Muntazer al-Zaidi, the Iraqi journalist who threw two shoes at President Bush during a news conference in Baghdad.

LARRY: So, Muntazer. How are ya?

MUNT: I'm tired. I'm hungry. And my right arm hurts like hell.

LARRY: From throwing your two shoes at President Bush, huh?

MUNT: No, I think I slept wrong.

LARRY: So Munt, can I call you Munt?

MUNT: Only if I can call you Sean (Hannity).

LARRY: Wow, that's a low blow.

MUNT: Just be happy that I didn't take off my shoe.

LARRY: Well you try that here with me buster and I'll bitch slap you so fast you'll be coughing up camel hair balls for three days.

MUNT: You sure do talk pretty tough for a 93-year-old windbag. I heard that your social security number is 000-00-0017.

LARRY: That's correct. And actually I'm only 75.

MUNT: Well that is damn amazing because to me you look 93. And with those silly-looking black suspenders and that blue checkered tie you look even older, like 94 or 99.

And what's with the armband...are you dealing cards after the show or what?

LARRY: No, actually I had an old bicep problem flare up last Monday. Munt I guess you heard that The Baghdad Bulletin-Banner is reporting that you will probably go to prison for 15 years for tossing you size 10's at President Bush.

MUNT: Well don't hold your breath, old ancient one with the face of an elderly camel. And I really was not aiming for Bush, I was actually throwing the shoes at a bumble bee to keep it from biting Bush.

LARRY: Well, I would imagine that you have attained the services of legal council?

MUNT: No, but I have hired an attorney. But, Mr. Kingdom, and please pay very close attention. I do not really need an attorney because for the next three years, I will be pitching for the Seattle Mariners.

LARRY: Yes, I read that you were signed by Seattle Mariners Director of Scouting Delvin Muncie.

MUNT: Yes, you read it right, Mr. Munchie, signed me up to a contract for $3 million buckarinos.

LARRY: Munt, his name is Muncie. There is no 'h' in his name.

MUNT: Oh, so now you are an English teacher all of a sudden. You know the more I stare at you Mr. Kinky the more I see that you remind me a lot of my ex-father-in-law, Sim Sol Ocktusa.

LARRY: A handsome man no doubt.

MUNT: No, actually Sim Sol looked a little bit like a camel penis except with ears. He was a good man at first, but then he was caught molesting a sand crab at The Sands of The Kalahari Camel Neutering Festival.

He is currently doing 8 to 10 in The Baghdad Prison for The Habitually Weird As Hell. He is not allowed to eat fish sticks or anything in the fish family like tuna, talapia, or orca.

LARRY: You know Munt, getting back to Delvin Muncie. Back in 1989, I was actually married to Muncie's second wife, Viola Jean, who was actually his second ex-wife, and who became my third wife, and who is now actually my third ex-wife.

MUNT: Wow...no wonder you wear suspenders. Mr. Kingsize you are really one f*ck*d up dude you know that?

LARRY: Hey, camel shit, watch your language or I'll call security.

MUNT: Call 'em. I've already got both my hush puppies cocked.

LARRY: Enough already. Hey I read in today's Seattle Sentinel Observer that you will be under the tutelage of Mariner's pitching coach Gumersindo Orestes.

MUNT: Yes, Gumby is a good man, a good pitching coach, and the dude can drink the hell out of that Coors Light.

LARRY: You know, Orestes pitched for the New York Yankees for seven years. And he had one of the best spitballs that I have ever seen. Tell me Munt, can you throw a spitball.

MUNT: No. But last year, in Karbala I saw an aged camel spit on a camel jockey's balls.

LARRY: You're pitiful Munt. You know that?

MUNT: Sticks and stones Mr. Kungfu, sticks and stones.

LARRY: One more thing before we end our interview. You were originally staying at Motel 6. Where are you staying now?

MUNT: Well to be honest. It is really none of your friggin' business, but I fear no one. I am staying at The Undisclosed Motel on Walker Street.

LARRY: Ah, Munt the name of the motel is undisclosed. The motel is NOT named Undisclosed.

MUNT: Damnit! There you go again with your confusing bullshit. You give me a headache Mr. Kinko you know that?. Do you have a Tylenol or an Anacin, or a Hostess Twinkie...something?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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