Written by Hawkeye
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Sunday, 7 December 2008

Even friends and family of the rich and famous can have problems selecting gifts. So our team has been helping out with ideas gleaned from the many Christmas catalogues which have arrived at The Spoof office over the last few weeks.

This week the focus is on gifts for British tennis sensation, Andy Murray...

1. Thorntons Deluxe Hamper
Ideal for sharing with Team Murray - or perhaps not, for he has said he wants to put on a few more kilos...

2. Designer Waxed Jacket with matching dog's outfit
He may be embarrassed to be seen with wee Maggie in a little jumper; but there can be no complaints about these co-ordinated outfits when out for a walk on the Common.

3. Lakeland Pet Clearup Spray
The perfect solution to deal with those 'little accidents' that happen behind the sofa.

4. "The Wimbledon Crowd" 5,000 piece jigsaw with
roll-up mat

An absorbing way to re-create the unforgettable, raucous, passionate Wimbledon crowd of 30th June '08.

5. Holland & Barrett Organic Jetlag Reliever

A quick-acting gel that would go some way to prevent the occurrence of dodgy matches due to jetlag. Roger swears by it.

6. 'Saw' Interactive Game
Based on the psychotic horror and suspense of the films. Time to get his own back on Jamie.

7. Personalised Pedometer
Indispenable for calculating how many miles he racks up on court. Must run Nadal a close second.

8. Coin Counting Money Jar
He may be a high-earner, but he'll still know the wisdom of looking after the pennies. This jar not only saves loose change, but it also keeps a running total of how much is stashed.

9. Voice Changer
He says he feels he has the most boring voice in Britain. So here's the gift which enables him to do something about it. This voice changer has ten different effects to change things up. Requires 1 x 9v battery.

10. Clan Murray tartan cushion
A homely touch to accompany him on the Tour. And a reminder of the Clan Murray motto: "Furth, fortune and fill the fetters" - a blueprint for Grand Slam success if ever there was one.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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