Written by Aspartame Boy
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Tuesday, 2 December 2008

image for High School Science Project Proves Aspartame Causes Gold Fish to Lose Weight Tortullina Fisher between swigs

LONDON - At a school near the city, Tortullina Fisher, 14, revealed the details of her 2nd-place-winning science project.

"The bottom line is, aspartame works. The fish I used in my study all lost weight after only a week.", gurgled Tortullina, between gulps of diet orange soda.

"How did you administer the aspartame? Did you spice up the food with it?", I asked.

"Oh no. It was easy. I just used enough diet orange soda to fill the bowl with. Then I fed them normally. I figured, hey, it will be good for them, its NUTRI cious.", she giggled, taking another swig from her two liter bottle of diet orange soda, as we sat on a pile of empties.

"OK, so how much weight did the fish lose?"

"Well, about half of it, I guess."

"Where are the fish now?"

"I flushed them all down the toilet."

"Why did you do that?"

"Well, they were all dead."

"When did they die?"

"The day I put them in the aspartame."

"So, how can you say they lost weight?"

"Hey, my study was funded by industry! I got a life-time supply of diet orange soda to say they all lost weight. Oh, and don't tell anyone the fish died. I might get a spanking."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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