LONDON - At a school near the city, Tortullina Fisher, 14, revealed the details of her 2nd-place-winning science project.
"The bottom line is, aspartame works. The fish I used in my study all lost weight after only a week.", gurgled Tortullina, between gulps of diet orange soda.
"How did you administer the aspartame? Did you spice up the food with it?", I asked.
"Oh no. It was easy. I just used enough diet orange soda to fill the bowl with. Then I fed them normally. I figured, hey, it will be good for them, its NUTRI cious.", she giggled, taking another swig from her two liter bottle of diet orange soda, as we sat on a pile of empties.
"OK, so how much weight did the fish lose?"
"Well, about half of it, I guess."
"Where are the fish now?"
"I flushed them all down the toilet."
"Why did you do that?"
"Well, they were all dead."
"When did they die?"
"The day I put them in the aspartame."
"So, how can you say they lost weight?"
"Hey, my study was funded by industry! I got a life-time supply of diet orange soda to say they all lost weight. Oh, and don't tell anyone the fish died. I might get a spanking."