Written by winston_smith
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Friday, 14 November 2008

In the ever fluctuating, e- trade market of celebrity panties Miley Cyrus's used undergarments were a lock cinch. Not so anymore. Cyrus's panty stock dropped in value almost overnight. Traders across the board were caught unaware and those still caught holding her panties means more to come.

I interviewed the CEO and stock expert of one such trading company, ScensexTrade.web

"Her panties," sniffed Myron Blankman, "just lost their staying power. It happens, one day everyone wants them, the next they've become grannies." (A term used in the panty trade for less than desirable stock.)

"It's just a reflection of the market, a new panty comes into trade and everyone goes up. Everyone is spankin for them." he said. "This has happened on and off in the past, it's a supply and demand thing. I suspect that Cyrus panty has become so assessable, so easily obtainable, that the market was diluted. You have to lie back, absorb it, let your stock ferment, like wine, it has it's ageing process. You have to pay attention to when and where they were worn,
the details, "is it frayed, sprayed, or played" as we say in the trade. The nuances of your stock are important to their worth.. I have a pair of her German tour 2008 and it's definitely appreciated more than some sanitized, Disneyized, Hannah Montana tighty whiteys."

Asked about the fluidity of the market and panty traders withdrawals or short comings, will it stain future trade.

"Well, we had the Madonna fiasco, what a stinkeroo that was, (A term used in the panty trade that the stock just, stunk.) and Cher was a sticky one, but she came back, captured the gay trade and, although not to my taste, Cher's g string or a video thongs, they're still hot."

What about the trend of pantiless celebs?

"Well obviously that either increases the stock or devalues it, an early Lohan maybe better investment than a later, although her Harper's Bazaar spread certainly is worth a sniff. (A term used in the panty trade as a desirable stock). Spears panties? I wouldn't touch them with a ten foot pole now. It's good she is going pantiless, air that stock out. But give them time, who knows, I don't know if she has the staying power."

Any wise investments or advice for the novice?

"Well, there's certainly no rhyme or reason to it, you just have to have a nose for it. I'd say start small, find a B list celebrity you like, something you can savor and are comfortable with. Stay away from the wet, (Another term for desirable panty) hot, (another), fragrant ones. Too volatile. You could also look into blue chip, those panties that are ageless, but cost more. Marilyn Monroe, Sophie Loren, some Bardot, even Rock Hudson, Montgomery Cliff, have a steady market."

In related news according to ScensexTrade.web: Trade in Sarah Palin panties are standing up on their own, while Obama Mama's are climbing.

Reported by Harriet Haughty

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

Share/Bookmark

Go to top ^