Written by K J Heitz
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Monday, 21 June 2004

According to himself, writer Kevin Heitz of Baltimore is annoyed and suffering from an acute headache today because of the increased security measures at airports and train stations around the country. “This extra security stuff kinda sucks,” Heitz said this morning while clipping nose hairs. “I think that’s why I have this headache,” I added.

The beefed up security at airports and train stations was put in place in response to the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001. The Baltimore Washington International Airport (BWI) has some of the longest lines of any airport in the country.

“I hardly ever fly,” I said, “but the one time I did, the line was too long, and they wouldn’t let me carry my 5 suitcases on the plane.”

It has been reported that I have never actually flown and rarely take a train. According to a bum from my street, I hardly leave the house. “Why the hell would you have a headache because of security? I travel more than your lazy ass,” Leonard Washington said while clipping nose hairs. “Give me your wallet,” Washington added before breaking my jaw.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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