Written by Judge Retort
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Saturday, 11 October 2008

image for Are Candidates Following Palin's Clean-Shaven Look? Sarah Palin's favorite snow shovel -- shown accidentally left back home on the snow-covered Anchorage airport tarmac

Why is it that all the candidates in the Presidential election are clean-shaven? Is it in deference to Sarah?

Or, is it merely tradition -- all top politicians have been clean-shaven ever since Alexander the Great, who never lost an election -- he wouldn't allow opposition! (Russia learned this and took it to heart.)

Alexander coined the expression: "I won by a close shave! Hah! Hah! ...Laugh it up, Ptolemy, or you can kiss Egypt good-bye..." Vainglorious punk.

Look at all the old Roman coins with Caesars on them. All clean-shaven. (And there's no way all those old guys had that much hair. The engraver was probably on their payroll. Caesar Augustus from his autobiography "I, me.": "State Engraver, if you cut back on my hairline, I cut off your hands!")

Same goes for the Presidentical Election of 2008: John McCain: clean-shaven. Barack Obama, Joe Biden, and Sarah Palin -- all clean-shaven!

(Sarah received her first electric razor from Senator McCain upon her arrival in St. Paul. She was quite relieved because she loves a really close shave, and Todd had forgotten to pack the ax grinder.)

[Editor's Note: Notice, not one wisecrack about eyeglasses! Editor's wife threatened that if she read one more eyeglasses joke, she would switch to contacts.]

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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