John McCain was the reason Wall Street roared back. During the plunge earlier this week, panic did set in but then the oldsters of Wall Street turned in desperation to the inspiring forecast of McCain who turns out to be older than money itself - older even than credit.
"Yes," humbly confided McCain, "I was around back when 'Wall Street' was just 'Wampum Path' used by them Manhattan Indians for trading maize futures..."
His mother, several generations older than even John, was quick to add: "John helped Moses invent the Shekel!"
John chided her, "Now, Momma, that's a bit of an exaggeration. But I was around helping him out a lot. He was such an absent-minded prophet. You know, he left that bush burning! I'm the one who put it out. And, you remember anywhere in the Bible about Moses joining the Red Sea after he parted it?? Nope! He was busy arguing with Miriam about movie rights and plum forgot. That was me again - grabbed a switch from his staff and gave that Pharaoh such a lickin..."
"Like I used to give you!" interrupted his mother.
"And you better win that election, or I'll give you another. Don't think I'm too damned old, Johnny! And you need to marry that Palin girl. Civilized folk don't go running around with their mates without getting married first!"
"Mama, would you please try to remember - I'm married already to Cindy!"
"What?!" his mother exclaimed. "Married to another?! Johnny, you're the Senator from Arizona, not Utah!"
At this point, Todd and Sarah showed up on their new stretch, all-terrain Toyota snowmobile, and whisked the Presidentical candidate off to the next whistle stop.