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Wednesday, 8 October 2008

image for Whatever Happened To The Cockneys?

From: Minister For Culture, UK, Tajib Nwora

Where have all the cockneys gone?

Why is it that when I walk the streets of my beloved London the only English accents that I ever hear are so unEnglish that it makes my toes curl?

We English are not American, we are not Jamaican, we are cockneys.

We should all be talking like Dick van Dyke in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, or Barbara Windsor in Eastenders.

We should all be saying 'Do what John' or 'Ave a Banana' or 'Feed the effin birds tuppence a bag'
If we're not careful we'll all be fakes, like those Manchester bastards, who pretend they come from Manchester like Liam out of Oasis, waving their arms about and stuff.

We don't want that.

PS - What tube line is Walford on?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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