Written by isabar
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Thursday, 2 October 2008

From 3 pages to 300, from $700 billion to $850 billion, from bad to worse.

Ok, folks, the bill approved by the Senate last night now looks like your run of the mill pork barrel spending, complete with concessions for wooden child arrows and those who bike to work (look it up, I'm not kidding). Oh, and the bill's suitably tied to a mental health initiative (you'd have to be nuts to make this stuff up).

I ask you. Where's all that money going to come from? Who's going to pay for this? Oh, I forgot. Its either that or the soup line. I better shut up. But wait, how do we know that? Because that's what Wall Street insiders are telling us?

I can't help but wonder why we have to bail out and also re-empower those who screwed us. And don't tell we are to blame. That common folk bought too much house, lied on the loan applications, etc etc. Hey, these Wall Street guys had to know exactly what was going on, even had a hand in creating these schemes from inception through to processing, repackaging and securitizing non-recourse mortgages, and finally passing them along to trusting investors, all happily riding the housing bubble wave.

So my question is: Is this kind of scheme a crime? And if so, who's going after these criminals? No one?

I suggest someone hires Duane "Dog" Chapman (you know, Dog The Bounty Hunter and his gold mullet?). Have him chase after some of the Wall Street honchos who collected billions in bonuses last year for masterminding the schemes that got us into this mess.

Maybe some of the trust would return if, on prime time TV, we saw The Dog in his minivan chasing a Lamborghini down the Long Island Expressway. He'd somehow drive it off the road and use mace to subdue one of those "Greed is good" Mike Douglas look alikes, then throw him in the back of the van and deliver him to the Feds for prosecution. And if the Feds aren't interested, how about Andrew Cuomo? As the NY State Attorney General perhaps he will have the guts to run with this ball.

Now, that's a measure I'd endorse. Where do I sign?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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