Written by Susie Q
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Tuesday, 15 July 2008

1. Always dress like you're a hooker. Even if it's the middle of the day and there's young children around, always put your goods on display, and put your best boob forward.

2. Be a total slut and shag anything that moves. This one can guarantee you'll get at least one STD this year. Wohoo lasers!

3. Always make sure you have a ginger friend to hand. This is bound to get you loads of action because lets face it who really wants to shag one of those soulless bastards.

4. Shoes are more important than knickers.

5. Last but not least, always tell a man the first time you meet him that you are in search of Mr. Right and looking for a committed, long term relationship.

If all this fails you must have a face like a slapped arse and you should join a convent, because you ain't ever going to get nun!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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