Written by Jeremy Tax-Haven
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Tuesday, 1 June 2004

image for Cows In Butterfly Backlash a butterfly, yesterday.

Police have urged residents of a sleepy Hampshire village not to leave their homes after 9pm this Sunday as a protest march, with full union backing, has been organised by local action group, Cows On Opium, (COO).
COO are protesting against farmer Hubert Sciatica's decision to house potentially dangerous butterflies in a field adjacent to their own.
Founder of COO, Angus Jersey, explained that seeing the pretty colours, contained in the wing areas, could induce psychedelic paranoia among the cows, a claim backed by union official, Dave Halitosis.
Jersey went on to explain that one such case occurred last month in the Outer Hebrides. It is alleged that 3 cows, who cannot be named for legal reasons, suffered a complete mental breakdown after being exposed to the bright lights and dazzling display of colour from a nearby butterfly. One of them, cow A, has since attempted suicide and is now in the care of world-renowned psychiatrist, Norman Bates.
Although the wings are not thought to be harmful to humans doctors and nurses have urged extreme caution if catching sight of any.
When asked to sum up his feelings in one word, farmer Sciatica replied, "Eh?".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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