Written by SamIAm
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Thursday, 22 May 2008

Remember the famous American history story of George Washington? We all know it (at least we Americans, and I'm sure some of you Britons do as well, since we probably crammed it down your throats after the war).

Allow me to refresh your memory.

Old George, when he was just a little lad, cut down his father's prized cherry tree. When his father came up to him and asked him if he had done it, George said, "I cannot tell a lie. I cut down your tree."

Yes, our first President was such an honest, fine young man. He refused to lie to his father - BECAUSE HE WAS STILL HOLDING THE GODDAMN AXE!

You can't fool me. I've seen the paintings - George, holding the axe behind his back, with his father standing before him asking for the truth. Hell, my kids could do that.

Me: "Honey, did you eat the chocolate frosting?"

My Daughter (with chocolate frosting all over her mouth and hands): "I cannot tell a lie. I ate the frosting."

Of course you did, you little brat. The proof is all over your face. That's nothing special. Try telling the truth when you could have gotten away with it. Now that would be impressive!

We Americans are such self-righteous assholes. Are we so desperate for a good, honest leader that we try to sell him to the world as a good man based on some exaggerated, obviously flawed story of when he was younger? George Washington was a wooden-toothed adulterer. Thomas Jefferson slept with slave women. Hell, Thomas Jefferson had slaves (he called them slaves - I do not). Need I go on?

The downfall of this country will be based on two things -greed and dishonesty. That is what will kill us. We have fooled ourselves into believing that we have fooled the whole world. Let's face it, people. The whole world hates us. We are rude and ignorant when we go overseas. We stick our nose where it doesn't belong politically. We are like a guy who bends down to give a little girl a lollipop with one hand, and cop a feel of her mother's ass then steal her wallet with the other.

We are hypocrites. Plain and simple.

Most of us, anyway. That's what satire is for. That's why we write it. It is the only real truth left to the few of us who dare to expose what we know to be wrong with this world.

Thank you for letting me get this off my chest - while I still have the freedom to do it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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