Written by Gene Mason
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Thursday, 22 May 2008

image for NCAA Report on Acceptability of Conference USA Nicknames A.S.S.H.O.L.E. Protesters Gather Outside NCAA Headquarters

Part 5 of a 12 part series

Alabama-Birmingham Blazers- Findings:
insensitive taunt preys upon the weakness of pyromaniacs and could cause them to start more fires. Judgement: offensive.

Central Florida Golden Knights- Findings: Crass glorification of mindless Middle Age violence in which women were not allowed to participate. Judgement: offensive.

East Carolina Pirates- Findings: crass glorification of violent, abusive men with serious anger management issues. Judgement: offensive.

Houston Cougars- Findings: shameless exploitation of an endangered species. Crass flaunting of vintage American luxury sport gas-guzzling pollution machine. Judgement: offensive.

Marshall Thundering Herd- Findings: mindlessly pejorative taunt aimed at frightened horses and cattle. Judgement: offensive.

Memphis Tigers- Findings: sexist slap in the face of tigresses everywhere. Unauthorized use of golfing great's name is a callous affront to minorities attempting to excel at individual sports. Judgement: offensive.

Rice Owls- Findings: insensitive exploitation of a family of birds which includes the endangered species of all endangered species, the spotted owl. In addition, the owl's wise reputation is intimidating to the academically challenged. Judgement: offensive.

Southern Methodist Mustangs- Findings: brutal reminder of the Conquistadors who first brought horses to the Americas, then let some of them escape. Judgement: offensive.

Southern Mississippi Golden Eagles- Findings: shameless exploitation of an endangered species. Snubbing the bald eagle in favor of the golden eagle is a callous affront to the follicularly-challenged. Judgement: offensive.

Texas-El Paso Miners- Findings: shameless tribute to the art of destroying the environment with heavy metal pollutants and strip mining. Judgement: offensive.

Tulane Green Wave- Findings: insensitive flaunting of big wave is a slap in the face of tsunami victims. Cruelly ironic in light of home city's recent experiences with water. Judgement: offensive.

Tulsa Golden Hurricane- Findings: a callous affront to hurricane victims everywhere, as well as a ploy to confuse the meteorologically and geographically challenged who don't know there are no hurricanes in Oklahoma. Implicitly sexist because a single hurricane cannot accommodate both male and female names. Judgement: offensive.

Tomorrow: NCAA Report on Acceptability of Mid-American Conference Nicknames

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