Written by Panndyra
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Friday, 28 May 2004

image for American Idol Biased Towards the South The South Has Risen Again. Yee-haw!

American Idol is biased. Yes, I said it. Most of the finalists have been from the South. We've only had one runner-up, Justin Guarini, from the North, and it's just not fair.

The North has a long history of great talent. Madonna is from Michigan, which is in the NORTH. Prince is from Minneapolis, Minnesota, which is way NORTH. Aerosmith is from BOSTON, which is UP NORTH.

"The south does not have a lock on talent. We are really afraid that people are going to get the wrong impression of northerners. They must think we are all untalented, pieces of poop with Church problems. Well, it's just not true." Archbishop Cardinal Law, who was recently appointed to a highly visible post in Rome, after his former diocese decided to close more than 20% of its churches, said while on a plane to Rome this morning.

People in the South are just so happy. They say, "it sho' is 'bout time that people recognized that we southerners gots us talent and can do things. Yup. Yessiree." Professor Cletus Jackson-Smith said.

Ted Kennedy, John Kerry and Gary Cherone, former member of the Boston-based band Extreme and former frontman for Van Halen when Van Halen sucked, have joined forces to form a non-profit organization called Northerners Against Southern Talented Youth (NASTY).

"NASTY's goal is to erase the idea that the south is more talented than the north. We are thinking of seceding from the South to start our own talent state." Olive N. Boston, the organization's press secretary, announced today.

General Lee, a descendant of that General Lee, said, "well, we always knew that Northerners were prissy babies. Let 'em go. We won't fight them this time. The south has risen. Long live American Idol."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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