Written by Clifford Rutley
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Sunday, 18 May 2008

image for Daniel Estulin, Jim Tucker & Alex Jones Listed On This Year's Bilderberg Attendees List. Alex & His Megaphone.

'Yes, yes we were there,' Alex Jones finally admitted during one of his mid week radio show rants. 'So what? It's not like we could turn down the offer!'

This came after years of insider scoops and stories from the trio about what the secretive meeting between billionaire owners of multinational corporations and future presidents and prime ministers could be about.

'The Bilderberg boys decided to come clean with us, face to face,' veteran reporter Jim Tucker told us. 'So I called Alex and Daniel and we all entered the hotel, finding it hard to stop ourselves from cussing at the Rockefeller and Rothschild representatives as we finally came face to face with them.'

'What happened then?' We asked.

'Well,' Daniel Estulin replied. 'We entered the conference, remembering to approach from the right, as we are all right handed (apart from Jim, but they didn't know that), and stood there looking at some of the richest, most powerful and evil men in the world.'

'And?'

'Well they first of all commended Alex on his movie Endgame - Blueprint For Global Enslavement (available for free on Google video) and told him that they were impressed about how right he had been in piecing together their intensions. Then, they offered us all permanent places on the council and said that they would like us to be the official spin doctors of the Bilderberg group, taking the facts we had told in the past and twisting them to idiotic lies.'

'So what did you all do?'

'Well Jim was almost up for it, he's getting on a bit anyways and welcomed the chance to retire in a nice country estate, but me and Alex still have many years ahead of us. I tried to be polite myself, in declining their offer, but Alex lost it.'

We were puzzled by this so we had to ask, 'How did he lose it?'

Daniel looked down at his feet shamefully before he replied. 'Well, he jumped over the podium shouting something about finally taking them all to jail one day and hanging the ones who already had the blood of millions on their hands. A bunch of CIA and other secret service body guards tried to restrain him, but Alex was too strong. He flung them away like they were flies. Then he ran over to the buffet and, after eating some of it, he proceeded to throw the rest at Henry Kissinger, who appeared on the scene when he realised someone had gotten to the buffet before him. Then a custard pie and cream cake fight broke out between the two men which continued until David Rockefeller came over and tried to break it up.'

'What happened then?'

'Well Kissinger picked up the stuffed pig and trust Rockefeller's face up its arse. Rockefeller didn't find this funny, so he power slammed Kissinger into the nearest floral display. Then Alex caught Rockefeller from behind with a closes line, flinging him into the nearest part of the round table, where all the other shocked looking attendees were sitting. It was then that I decided that I had to take action and, as everyone else started to have fisticuffs with one another, I grabbed Jim and Alex and made a run for the door.'

'All sounds as if it was a right old mess.'

'Oh it was,' Daniel conceded.

'So will you be going back next year?'

'I don't think so, all it taught me was that yes the Bilderbergers' run the world, but, in the end, they're all just a bunch of childish petty idiots. So, if that's the best humanity can come up with, then I guess its best that we all just let the whole lot get washed down the plughole and be done with it!'

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

Share/Bookmark

Go to top ^