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Friday, 2 May 2008

image for Dear Ollie the ole marriage advisor The OTOMA

Dear OTOMA, Lately the BBC science news has run a rash of articles about the turn ons and turn offs of all manner of things. As a man of tremendous experience, my chums and I have been wondering where Ollie, the ole marriage adviser stands on these matters. Inquiring Chums want to know

Dear ICWTK, I too have read with interest the British news' take on matters sexsual. Of course being a Scandinavian man, I usually laugh at people who have little experience in the sexsual realm. But here goes.

One article claimed that fertility makes the voice sexier. Well all i can tell you is that I am a very fertile and virile hombre but I talk like the Swedish Chef on the Muppet Show. Another feature said that the hour glass figure was a true turn on. I, Ollie, the ole marriage advisor has turned the ole lady on and off like a light switch programmed to the clapper(not that I ever infected the ole mate) but my shape looks more like a pregnant sow than an hour glass.

The BBC seems ready to establish a ministry of sexy walks based on some research about swiveling hips. Well the ancient one and I waddle rather than walk but our sexsual lives makes I Am Curious Yellow and Blue look like the Little Mermaid. The one piece that we wild sexsual beasts from darkest Scandinavia agreed with was the one about eye contact. The Missus and me have been practicing the open-eye organism for decades now and let's just say here's lookin' at ya!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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