Written by Arwen Undomiel
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Wednesday, 19 May 2004

Late last night, geeky internet chat rooms were ablaze with rumours and discussions that a hot girl had entered a comic book and RPG store of her own free will.

“She didn’t have a boyfriend with her or anything!” wheezed a pimply faced teen witness, wanting only to be known as ‘The Magnificent Exhorter’. “So it wasn’t like she was only there to please someone! She was genuinely interested in the latest comic book releases, and was well versed in the history of Flash Gordon!”

“She truly is Wonder Woman” quoted another source, this time the pimply-faced single 40-year-old co-owner of the store in question, Geekdom on Earth. “She just waltzed right in here, came up to the counter and asked if I had the latest Lord of the Rings RPG book in. She new all about the new D20 rules, and had the latest copies of dungeon and dragon magazine under her arms.”

However, not all sources agree about this mystery girl. Rumours abound about her science fiction preference, with many heated arguments turning geek against fellow geek, trying to determine if this young lady, dubbed ‘the Role Play Maiden’ is a Star Wars fan, or Trekkie.

Others question her very existence. “If this mystical female does indeed exist, which I severely doubt,” one arrogant online role-play fanatic calling himself Its_Hip_2_B_Square put forth, “Then surely she must have visited other stores of the same ilk in her area. There has to have been more than one sighting of this mysterious phantom lady. I personally believe that Geekdom on Earth has concocted the story from their overactive imaginations to satisfy their own feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. In short, they made her up to convince themselves that they might one day get a girlfriend that wasn’t an imaginary RPG elf named Arwen.”

This statement understandably upset a vast number of fellow nerds, mainly those who are Role Playing a character that had an elven girlfriend going by the name of Arwen.


Geekdom on Earth ‘s other co-owner, ‘Super-Steve’ has attempted to allay such rumours.
“The Role Play Maiden DOES exist. I saw her with my own eyes! I swear to you, my fellow RPG and comic book enthusiasts that, upon my honour as a 15th Level Cleric of Illuvatar, I will release the security video footage of her as soon as myself and ‘Flash-Michael’, co-owner of Geekdom on Earth, have finished reviewing the tape ourselves.”

Until the release of the security tape, however, the argument continues, becoming more heated as some suggest that an X-Files styled conspiracy is involved, as well as a handful of vampires and ghouls.

The Magnificent Exhorter’, however, simply hopes to see her again before he dies. “I’m in that store almost 24/7 now. I know she’ll come back! The Force tells me it will be so!”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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