Written by Gordon Bennet
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Saturday, 5 April 2008

image for Masai Warriors have been warned not to flash their Meat and Two Veg while they run the London Marathon Masai Warriors have been warned not to flash their meat and two veg while running the London Marathon

Six Masai Warriors who are running the London Marathon for the first time have been given strict guidance rules on their cultural behaviour by the British Charity Greenfinger.

The men who will run in traditional red blankets, carry spears and shields during the race are hoping to raise money for their remote village back home in Tanzania by completing the 26.2 mile course on April 13th.

Rule 1: "Ignore all the other runners who will stop at nothing including cheating to achieve a fast time. Do not be tempted to jump on a big red bus."

Rule 2: "Ignore the other runners who are wearing skimpy clothes. It is normal for English people to wear next to nothing whenever it stops raining."

Rule 3: "Be friendly to the English people. They may look sad miserable bastards, but they are really very charming people. Many of them work in offices, doing jobs that are shit, so they don't laugh as much as they should."

Rule 4: "Make sure you wear a nappy under your loin cloth as some English people might be offended if they see your meat and two veg."

Rule 5: "Buy a watch at the duty free shop as you cannot rely on the sun to tell the time in England."

Rule 6: "Do not crap and pee behind the nearest tree as English people only do that when the pubs and clubs close."

Rule 7: "Do not accidentally borrow other people peoples jewellery as you cannot take your hosts generosity for granted."

Rule 8: "If you see any animals like sheep and cows do not be tempted round them up as they will belong to someone."

Rule 9: "If you see a tasty bit of crumpet do not be tempted to flash your weapon."

Rule 10: "After the race get ready for the celebration. Most English people drink alcohol, get pissed and act silly, so it will just be like a Masai party. You will have seen this behaviour by the Greenfinger volunteers in Tanzania."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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