Written by Cruella Divine
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Friday, 28 March 2008

image for JK Rowling Prepares to Sue the World Pay for extra bags! Not me! I'll Sue!

"I have decided (says JKR from the throne of her Scottish castle) that all people who have profited from my creation, Harry Potter, or are thinking about profiting are to be sued. Steve Vanderark (Harry Potter Lexicon Creator) is just the beginning… next time it's the world.

Think about it. All of the paper that's been used to print my books has profited the paper companies, my solicitors are finding out who they are and are seeking a portion of their profits or the Rowling boat will row over them. To hell with that I want it all. Oh the trees used to make the paper… did you seek permission and pay the appropriate fees to die for Harry Potter books?

Why are the actors getting rich? Daniel Radcliffe, prepare to be sued. You will go from being the richest teen in Britain to living in a council flat claiming benefits.

Why does Warner Brothers have more money than me?
John Williams did you seek permission to write Hedwig's Theme?
Why are the toy companies making money?
Harry Potter costumes… Harry Potter candy… all proceeds from Bertie Botts Every Flavoured Beans goes to me. Oh don't forget the packaging charges. Oh by the way, dentists filling cavities created by the candy, cough it up.

The readers of my books must pay whenever they re-read one of them. The libraries must charge a fee (all proceeds go to me) to lend them out.

The tour companies… your days of profiting from my ideas will soon be over.

Harry and the Potters… Do you have permission to use my material? I don't think so!"

Author's note: I have just been informed that I am being sued. I wrote the words Harry Potter without JKR's permission.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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