Written by Chuck Barber
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Tags: Message

Sunday, 9 May 2004

image for And now a message from Wilford Brimley: It Just Makes Sense

And now a message from Wilford Brimley:

I’d like to speak to you a moment about a problem you’re probably just hoping will go away. I’m talking about Rectal Leakage and what you need to be doing about it.

Now, no one likes to talk about RL, but if you’re over 60 you’ve got to come face to face with the problem of sphincter integrity and rectal leakage.

It doesn’t really matter why it happens – disease, anal intercourse, old age – the fact is, it does and it happens to lots of us. You’re not alone in dealing with rectal leakage. RL is a problem and you’ve got to face up to it.

I know, I know, no one wants to speak to the doctor about something like this. We’re all happier to change pants two, three, maybe even four times a day.

But that’s no way to live, always scared to laugh or sneeze.

And you thought slipping dentures were a problem.

But I’m here to tell you about a new drug that will make your life better. My life too.

It’s called “Spinctite.”

Spinctite will help you regain sphincter integrity and put an end to rectal leakage.

Now, you can’t just go to the store and buy Spinctite. You’ll have to ask your doctor about it. Your doctor will have to prescribe it for you.

But this is your life and you have a right to live it in dignity and comfort.

I’m no doctor and I’m not saying you need Spinctite – that’s for you and your Doctor to decide. But if like me you face the problems of RL you owe it to yourself to speak to your doctor about it.

It just makes sense, don’t you think?

Use of Spinctite may result in massive fluid retention, stool retention, and dramatic weight gain. Spinctite should not be taken by persons with a perforated bowel, or colon weakened by tetter, janusfoot or mogo on the gogogo.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

Related Stories...


Share/Bookmark

Go to top ^