Written by Chuck Barber
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Tags: poultry

Sunday, 9 May 2004

image for Job Application  -- Poultry Plant Nurse When Younger, Barber Ran the County Chicken Ambulance Service

Duane Farms LLC
Attn: David Sewer or Bob Masclo
1476 Chicken Road
Pelagra, GA 31726

Dear Mr. Farms, Mr. Sewer or Mr. Masclo,

I am writing to apply for the job of Poultry Plant Nurse.

I grew up on a farm and taking care of our chickens was one of my chores since I was a boy. Because we lived in North Georgia back then, the cold weather in winter used to mean a lot of sick chickens. I remember one February we lost a lot of our chickens due to Chicken Cough, but the ones that we saved I think we saved mostly due to me sitting in the house with them, nursing them, and making sure the heaters stayed on, and that they had plenty of water to drink.

I have taken more than one chicken’s temperature before and if you can do that then you can nurse chickens. I know that now days you have fancy chicken medical instruments but 30 years ago we didn’t have nothing but gloves and a rectal thermometer. It took awhile what with so many chickens, but I believe that the most important part of being a good Poultry Plant Nurse is that you are willing to take the time to nurse the chickens back to health. I guess we all know that sick chickens are bad layers and worse eating.

I have to admit that I never did any emergency chicken treatments other than running real fast when the neighbors dog got a hold of Wilbert the rooster. But I got there in time and run the dog off and Wilbert he weren’t happy all covered in dog spit, but he lived another year or two, so I suppose he must have been okay. You know, it’s always hard to tell with a rooster.

But not doing it before, don’t mean I can’t do it. I know a lot of people say chickens is dirty and nasty birds, and I guess they are, but I like chickens and I don’t have no problem with being extra careful to be sure the birds are took good care of.

I’d like to have the job and I promise to do my best if you hire me. I never worked for no one but my family, but my Paw said he’d tell you all about me if you ask him.

Sincerely,

Chuck Barber
Chicken Nurse

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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