Written by Ed E. Druckman
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Friday, 21 December 2007

(New York-NY) Call it what you will, spanking the monkey, turning Japanese, choking the chicken or the good old sin of Onan. But Ed puts the question out there: Is internet porn the path to enlightenment?

(Los Angeles-CA) Sony Play Station announced that they will be expanding the popular Madden 08 football game with a celebrity addition, Lohan08. Sony promises the game will be so life like you'll feel like you "just chased your personal assistant around the parking lot at break neck speed in your SUV Mercedes." But unlike La Lohan, Sony promises "you'll pass your breathalyzer every time."

(San Francisco-CA) Game of Shadows? Game of Fiction! Independent investigators have concluded that new asterisk home run king Barry Bonds wasn't on steroids. The report due out next month sums it up this way, "Turns out Bonds' moody, angry, behavior is just because he's an asshole."

(New York-NY) In a related note, Alex Rodriquez will answer Jose Canseco's allegations that the Yankee, who loves baseball, the occasional Playboy Bunny and his wife, in that order used steroids in a book of his own, the title of the tell all tome: "A-Roid!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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