Written by stazpaz
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Tags: dream, FIFA

Thursday, 13 December 2007

New rules are to be introduced to football to endorse fair play. FIFA drafted an idea based on a dream.

Introductions:

The Redder card, this is used only in the extreme circumstance of a whole team being sent off. It will be like the original Red card, only much much redder.

The Orange card, this is given to a player should they commit a fairly minor offence following receiving a yellow card (such as spitting). Although the player is not sent off, they are able to remain in play providing they agree to play at half their usual ability.

The Blue card, this is given to a player who has been especially naughty and can only be issued by a Police Officer. The recipient of this card will receive a £10 fine, be relegated to a lower football division and perform up to 100 hours community service. It is unknown at this point what act will warrant one of these cards.

In addition to the normal referee (now named the Super Ref), each player will have their own personal referee who will monitor if the player fouls, dives or handballs etc... The pitch will be doubled in size to cater for the additional 22 occupants. As a result, linesmen will now be issued with rollerstakes.

Referees are now included in offside calculations.

To show that there are no 'hard feelings' after a goal has been scored, celebrations (including smiling) are now strictly forbidden- anyone caught celebrating will be sent off and/or have their goal deducted.

At the end of the game there will be a "fan satisfaction" poll implemented. In this, the viewers of the game must press either a 'satisfied' or 'dissatisfied' button depending on how well they thought the teams conducted themselves in fair play. If the result is under 50% satisfied the game will be replayed later that evening.

These will come into effect next season.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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