Written by Dark Recess
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Sunday, 11 November 2007

Don't we all love the concept of justice? Isn't the idea of truth, fairness and equality something we all hold dear? Doesn't it seem right that a murderer should be caught and apprehended as soon as possible? Doesn't the idea of a smoothly running criminal justice system just rank right up there with other happy, furry things like kittens, wine, sex on the beach and amateur pornography?

Then explain why Interpol -- already under fire because the President of Interpol (Selebi) had an arrest warrant issued for him by the NPA in South Africa -- took 40 years just to issue a warrant for the murderer of Cuban Revolutionary Che Guevara, let alone carry it out. Talk about having to hold on a minute, geez.

Is it possible that the only reason Interpol even bothered was because of mounting external pressure to show that they -- unlike the UN -- have not become an outmoded, ineffective use of global resources? Is it possible that they have become just as corrupt, just as apt to submit to the whims of select individuals and ensure an avoidance of certain high-profile criminals, like Mario Teran?

I think yes. I think it is possible, if for no other reason than Interpol is ran by human beings, and is chaired by someone who -- apparently -- is no better than your common criminal, judging by the NPA's action in South Africa.

Also, is it possible that the ineffectiveness of Interpol could have a philosophical basis? I think so. Many historical philosophers have proposed the idea that there does exist something called a Democratic Peace -- the idea that democratic nations won't go to war with each other simply because they share the same interests and desires. Is it possible that the very idea of an international police organization violates that? The answer, by Jesus, is a very emphatic yes.

Why? The very idea of Interpol is contrary to everything that a democracy is -- trust of the people, the idea that the people have the power, and the idea that Presidents probably did have Sexual Relations with, um, THAT woman.

All jokes aside, the idea that a world-wide criminal police organization could exist -- let alone be necessary -- is laughable given the very nature of democracies. Granted the duties are necessary, but is the idea of a global organization devoted solely to those duties necessary? No! Why? Because everything that they can do / have done can be carried out by other, similarly in-effective and controversial world organizations, like NATO or the UN.

For one, it's a redundant idea for Interpol to exist. I think most cops are grateful for the service it provides, but would agree that it is not mutually exclusive that Interpol must do it. As a result, the entire organization needs to be folded into the UN or NATO as a sub-branch of their global criminal justice systems to reduce the strain on socio-economic resources across the planet.

And think about -- removing direct control of Interpol from human hands and letting it be run by proxy from the head of a larger and more stable organization will allow everything that they do to be handled faster and may eliminate the need for things like the US Terrorist Watch List, which, according to projections, should hold every name on the planet by Jan 19, 2009. Oh damn, what a shame.

But I forgot -- we can't do this at all. Why? Because folding Interpol into an organization like the UN or NATO would bring about those changes, rendering useless everything President Bush has put in place to deprive Americans of their liberty. So looks like I may have just stepped out of line.

Oops. Funny. I would make a statement like "I'll be checking the TWL to see if I'm on it," but I can't, because we're apparently too stupid or too gossipy to type in our name as an American citizen and see if we're on the list. Not check all 800,000, but type in my name, and see if it gets a hit.

Gah. Oh well. I'll just remember this article the next time I fly, and then when they arrest me for being a terrorist mastermind (as if), I'll be screaming "FIRST AMENDMENT! I CLAIM THE FIRST AND FIFTH AMENDMENTS, YOU STUPID SHIT-HEADS! RELEASE ME! I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE WORN THIS TOWEL TODAY! AHHHHH"

At any rate. Congratulations to Interpol on setting a new standard for incompetence. Here, President Selebi, you get a cookie and a pair of handcuffs. Enjoy your stay.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
Print this

Share/Bookmark

Go to top ^