Written by WillRogersUSA
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Friday, 9 November 2007

image for Water, Water, Water ... makes the world go around! Bottled water right from the source, NOT!

Now, if I asked you what the most precious item this world holds near to its heart, what would you guess that was. Gold, Gas, Oil … give up? How about water? You know the stuff we give away, give it away to our lawns to our animals, our cars, and we give it for free. Now we pay a pretty premium for this liquid gold. I have an old friend that sells water to folks that will pay $10 a bottle for something he calls ORGANIC water. Which considering how much our land, air, and soil and … has been sprayed, raked over, dug under, means this water must have come from the MOON I will talk about bottle water later.

Just this last weekend I was traveling from Phoenix to Atlanta, I had a show. Now I knew going into Atlanta that these folks were having a problem with water. Then again, living in California for 20 years that was nothing new to me. The new GREEN for California is BROWN. However, seems things are far worst than they have ever been. The folks I did my show for took me out to there dock. They showed me where the water used to be. Now it is just… Well let me put it to you this way. Their beachfront property is mostly beach. It is kind of like sawing an old tree in half, looking at all the rings tells you how old the tree was, but in this case just tells you that your lake either has a leak or the water ain't running anymore. I told him if he needed ideas on a cactus garden, I would lend him a hand.

If you can't quite grasp the demand for water that folks in a drought are feeling, go to a football game in Georgia. Last weeks university of GA game had folks on the edge of their seats. Not because of the game play but because they could not flush the toilets. That takes water and we ain't got it, so they placed guards by the restrooms, (Hopefully not too close) and every 10 or so, the guard would go in and flush. Now that is desperate. Here is a thought "Porta potties". The government has been working on several plans to take water from other lakes that have it. Or, the plan they have on the "Water" table now is to slow the flow from the lakes that dump into the lakes that that need the water. I tried to research all the plans and there are more plans then there is water. So, you will have to read up on that yourself. Either way, politics is politics and folks are telling me that a rain dance might be the most reliable plan.

So, I give you my plan: I call it: The Bucket Brigade to bring up our riverbanks.

Now, I am more the Glass half-full type of guy. So, this plan will positively bring water to the drought-filled areas. Here it is in plain in simple English, Spanish version is also available. Stop buying bottled water. Studies show that most of this stuff is tap water anyway. (39 out of 57 bottled water samples did indeed have "purer" water than tap water. However, 15 samples had significantly high bacteria samples.)

These water companies have figured a way to sell us something that we used to get in the comfort of our own home. They took it make it look clearer, sexy and slapped a shinny label on it (the shinny part is for the guys). As for taste, they also did random taste test and found the only different the bottled water had over the tap water was a physical sensation that one of their legs was being pulled… It's water! It tasted like … water.

Ok, the plan. The local and state government creates a water buy back plan. They get a deal on bottled water, 6 cents over the cost that the bottled water folks buy it or steal it at … They have made enough profit at 600 % over the cost and now should be giving back to us anyway. Then after we put it through water purifiers to make it drinkable we should be able to dump it back where they got it, back in our local water systems. That would equal about 130,000 million liters of water, a statistics I found for bottled water consumption in 2001.

I am all for making a profit, however, selling ice to the Eskimos is wrong, and now we need that water back. They say that some folks won't even have enough water for the rest of the year. Fair warning to the bottled water industry executives. Don't come to our drought-ridden areas for your monthly golf excursions causes we know what you look like, the ones that don't look dehydrated. If things get any worse in these drought areas, you golfers may be playing the miniature golf links.

Ok, one more part of my plan. Seems that we the people have been cutting down on our water usage. Now I think we need to get the government to follow suit. So, I think we need to immediately ban water boarding, if for any reason the fact that it's a waste of good water.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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