Written by Candice Hitler
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Tuesday, 30 October 2007

1. Don't get bogged down with facts or jokes. These will only slow down the pace of your piece. Just re-word a BBC news article.

2. Write about Ron Paul or Vanessa Hudgens. It doesn't matter if you don't know anything about these people. Americans do. And that's what matters.

3. Remember to always give yourself five stars, always discuss your own story and most importantly invent three alter egos so you can start a heated debate in the forum.

4. Try to develop a theme in your work. Many people like to hear about troubles in Ireland for example. We call these people 'Irish'.

5. Watch episodes of Chris Morris or Mock The Week and remember to tape them as you can then pass them off as your own.

6. Plagiarise other satire sites. They do.

7. Don't use words over five letters long. Remember your audience is mostly middle aged drunken men who have gone partially blind through 'chronicus masturbatorius'; a disease common in writers.

8. Be prepared for nobody to read your article. Remember it is awful.

9. Tell both your friends that you have just written a cutting edge pile of satire. Then sit back and watch as they force themselves to pretend they like it.

10. Stuck for ideas. Here's some prompts for that exciting new story:

    President Bush
    The war in Iran
    Ireland
    President Bush
    Homosexuals
    Sport
    Ron Paul Stiltskin
    President Bush


You're now ready to become a satirist. Remember to always smoke and carry an air of superiority for full effect.

Go get 'em tiger.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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