Written by magnaverse
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Tags: Hate

Tuesday, 23 October 2007

I HATE EVERYBODY
I hate everybody

Yeah, dufus. That includes you.

Dumb people.

I hate dumb people. I manage to cover it fairly well when in their presence. Heck, my friends say I'm a fairly good teacher, but I'd rather be mowing the lawn.

Dumb people waste my time.

``Excuse me, my screen locked up.'' Yeah, yeah, serves you right for thinking you know how to operate a computer.

``Hi. I'm from the Toronto Sun. Would you like a refundable trial subscription?'' Fuck no. Your establishment rag distorts issues so badly that not even a phase conjugate mirror can extract the truth from them.

``Hi, would you like an application for a special student credit card?'' Uh, no. One, the only thing that's special about that card is the mind-bogglingly low limit and the abominably high interest rate. I've built my credit rating, baby, and I'd rather get sodomized by every inmate on death row than waste time filling out your application. It would be cheaper.

Dumb people live in Tennessee and try to sue BBS ops in California who transmit offensive material when requested. Listen, dumbfuck, if you can't handle the outside world, stay home. California should respond to the lawsuit by creating a blockade around Tennessee that prevents modems from being shipped in.

Dumb people stand in booths at trade shows. ``So, is your company shipping machines without the floating point bug yet'' ``Uh, floating point bug? What are you talking about? Let me write that down and get back to you.'' While we're on the subject of trade shows, why do they give out worthless crap? T-shirts, pens, and bike water bottles are cool, but UB (formerly Ungerman Bass, who suck BTW) hands out these little water puzzles which are good for sitting on your desk and nothing else (which brings up light manufacturing). Maybe it symbolizes the difficulty of making UB gear actually work.

Smart people.

I hate smart people. If they're kinda smart, they ask me questions I have to think about. This wastes my time.

If they're really smart, they can outsmart me, which is often embarrassing for me. I hate being embarrassed.

Smart people are usually better than me at something. I hate not being the best.

Charitable people.

I hate people who see starving people on TV and say ``Oh my, lets send some food to those people who are starving because they live in a fucking desert and have been doing nothing but fucking (making more people to starve) and watching their crops and cattle die because they live in a fucking desert It's not their fault that all the other nations around them are also fucking deserts and theres no nearby fertile lands to take from their current owners with the help of machetes.''

I'd rather send them machetes so they can kill each other over waterless (and now treeless since they've been raping the forests for fuel) patches of dirt. Of course, then I'll have to expand funding for national defense, on the off chance they start eyeing my bit of land. ``Fuck you, my dirt, and I'm from the U.S.A. where our bombs are smarter than your entire fucking cabinet (or politbureau, or whateverthefuck group of guys serve as yes-men for your petty murdering dictator)''.

People in commercials.

They all suck. They're promoting some product that's probably a waste of my money. They're more likely promoting some product that I'm not remotely interested in. They're interrupting my cartoons.

If it's a beer commercial, they're having a hell of a lot more fun than I ever had, even when beer was involved.

I hate supermodels too. They have stupid accents. They smile at me like they want to fuck me. I mean, what do you think I'm going to think when you stare at 3 million people like you want to fuck them? You're used, easy! Get out of my face. And, no, I won't buy your bloody Lucious Lashes Mabelline petrochemical-derived crap.

Politically correct people.

`` Q: How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: That's not funny. ''

Fuck you. I like Duckman and the Simpsons. What do you mean it's unkind to offend people? What do you think I live for?! If you can't deal with it, just have an aneurysm and die and quit wasting oxygen.

Everybody else.

I hate everybody else too. I don't want to be accused of being discriminatory.
So, next time I'm walking down the street and smile at you, just remember that it's only because the alternative is for me to kill you and I'm not willing to waste the time and effort.


People I especially hate

Well, not really, but it's a page about hate so it's only appropriate to say I hate them.

David Weber, because he can spell aneurysm better than I can, and he uses CCmail: one of the largest and most fucked-up crocks of shit ever marketed as time-saving software.


Hey have you found Jesus?
Shit, no - I didn't know that he was lost...

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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