Written by Ben Macnair
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Saturday, 11 August 2007

The world's most anxious man, Mr Oliver Dear from local Hamlet Chutney-on-Frinton has been awarded the title of the World's Most Anxious Man. The aptly named man is our new regular contributor. Read the dispatches from the front line of his life.

'Do you ever worry about the intentions of empty milk bottles? I know I do. They are only awaiting the order from their leaders before they take over the rest of the world. One day, they will be on our windowsills, and in our Fridges, and then they will march on Parliament, and the White House, and then take over the world. The next time you wash one out, please bear this in mind. They may be taking incriminating photographs, you and a Milk Bottle, how much would you pay to keep that secret? A lot, I would guess. I know that would not trust them as far as I can throw them. And I am only a weak man. Still, we can throw them and they break. I guess at would be how the problem could be solved.

Do you ever worry you might be losing an argument? I know that I do.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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