Written by trythisathome
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Wednesday, 25 July 2007

8 year old Charley is on the sofa at her nanny's for the day. Nanny is sitting on the armchair knitting away. A big tin of scrummy biscuits are on the coffee table. Granddad is on the other armchair.

Charley Nanny, can I have a biscuit please?

Nanny (Clickety click) Those that ask don't get. Those that don't ask don't want.

Charley Oh. (pouts)

There is silence for 5 minutes

Granddad Did you want a biscuit Charley?

Charley I don't know how best to answer that question Grandad.

Granddad Have yourself a biscuit Dear.

Charley reaches for the tin. The clickety clicking noise has stopped. You can hear a pin drop in the room. Nanny is glaring over her glasses.

Charley (Scared) Erm! No thank you Granddad. (sits back in the chair, arms folded across her chest)

Granddad I will go & get you a piece of cake. (Granddad goes off into the kitchen & returns with a mouth-watering chocolate slice)

Nanny (Clickety click) You can't have your cake and eat it too

Charley Oh. (Charley glares at the cake sitting on the plate, licking her lips, nanny is glaring again as she knits. Her eyes boring into Charley's skull) I will maybe eat it later Granddad.

Grandad takes some copper coins out of his pocket & hands them to Charley.

Granddad Go get yourself something from the shops Dear.

Nanny (Clickety click) A penny saved is a penny gained.

Charley (Belly rumbling, glancing at nanny) Its ok Granddad, I will save this money with all the rest you have given me.

Granddad How is school.

Charley Well I enjoy maths but I can't…..

Nanny (Clickity click) No such word as Can't

Charley And my friend needs……………

Nanny (Clicking away furiously) A friend in need is a friend indeed.

Charley Then I tried………………

Nanny (Steam coming off her needles) No point flogging a dead horse

Charley So I then ……………………

Nanny (Screeching, clicking ferociously) Children should be seen & not heard.

Charley (eyes welling up) What time is my Daddy coming to get me.

Nanny (Clickety click) Time waits for no man. None, not a sausage.

Charley curls up on the sofa, sucking her thumb watching nanny's snooker, listening to clickety clicking in the background. Her belly is screaming.

2 hours later Daddy comes to collect her.

Charley Daddy Daddy (runs into his arms)

Nanny Now Peter, I must have a word with you about your daughter.

Daddy Has she been naughty, glares at Charley.

Nanny Not at all. But that child hardly speaks, she doesn't eat. I am worried to death.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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