Written by trythisathome
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Tags: mummy

Wednesday, 25 July 2007

Mummy is in the living room, with her 2 (and a weeny bit) year old toddler.

Toddler Mumma (Taps her mums leg) Hungry

Mummy No I am fine thank you.

Toddler (Puzzled) Me hungry Mumma

Mummy *Shrugs* Yea I get you. Lunch is in 10 minutes your Highness okay.

Toddler crawls under the table and starts poking her finger in the plug sockets.

Mummy (Claps her hands really hard together, which startles the toddler, who then bangs her head on the table)

Toddler Whoaaaaaa Whoaaaaaaa. (A large bump appears on her head)

Mummy Its dangerous see. Don't do that. If you do that you will DIE. (crawls on all fours to rescue her baby and smashes the little mites head again as she scoops her up)

Toddler Whoaaaaaa Whoaaaaaaaa.

Mummy Shhhhhhh! See plug sockets (Shouts) Dangeroooooooous! You could go (screeches) BOOOOOOM!

Toddler's body goes rigid with shock. She starts to grizzle then holds her breath. Snot is running down her nose. Mummy uses 2 fingers and a thumb to pull the snot off, then flicks it onto a chair.

Mummy (Trying to take her mind off) Whose chair is that. (Points to the chair now snotted)

Toddler (Between sobs) Daddy's.

Mummy You want some yummies now?

Toddler (Between sobs) Yes perwese Mumma.

Mummy carries her toddler into the kitchen. Just as she steps through the door she trips over a toy. The toddler flies out of mummy's hands and miraculously lands head first in her high chair.

Mummy (On a heap on the floor) Bloody toys. Points to her upside down toddler then back at the toy. DANGEROUS. See you can go splat.

Toddler Whoaaaaaaaa whoaaaaaaaa

Mummy hobbles over to turn her toddler up the right way.

Mummy There there. It's okay now. Let me make you some nice yum yums.

Mummy switches the socket to the cooker on.

Toddler (Claps her beaker loud against her highchair). Mumma die. Waynger WOussss

Mummy jumps out of her skin, her hand catches the saucepan handle & it flips up and smashes her in the head.

Mummy Owwwwwwww Owwwwwwwwwww.

Toddler Waynger WOussss go BoooOOOm

Mummy takes a step forward & trips over the saucepan now lying on the floor.

Toddler Bwuddie toys. Mumma go splat. Waynger Woussss.

Mummy sobs on the floor. Snot running down her nose. She crawls back into the living room & wipes the snot on Daddy's chair. Then crawls back to the kitchen, heaves herself up on the highchair so she is face to face with her toddler.

Mummy Right here are the new rules. Touch whatever you want, do whatever you want. If you explode into diddy pieces (shrugs) or splatter across the floor DEADED. Don't come crying to me. If you break your legs don't come running to me. Get it.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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