Written by ranger121
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Tuesday, 24 July 2007

There has been speculation about what, if anything, Tony Blair is going to do, now that he's stepped down from the big job in Downing Street.

Word from the wife is that he's expected to put on the pinny and rubber gloves and help with the washing up more often, although he isn't keen on that as the gloves tend to chafe.

His options, as I understand them, are varied.

He has a small amount of experience with a guitar, and can knock out a few chords. Given that the pubs are now short of musicians willing to work for less than fifty quid a night, this may well be one avenue still open. His singing voice does leave a little to be desired, although some thrash metal bands around nowadays don't actually need a singer, more of a bellower, which I understand he's quite good at. So he could be a front man for some kind of Goth or Thrash Metal band, and Cherie could help him out with the black lipstick. A reforming of the band "Ugly Rumours" is not on the cards. In a recent interview, the former bassist did say that he would consider a sex change using a blunt razor blade first.

The years have not been kind to him whilst he was in office, and the fresh-faced look has faded somewhat; so he won't earn too much as a school kid rent-boy, but he could easily get away with the more mature headmaster type, dishing it out, rather than taking it, on the BDSM scene. So, Top, rather than Bottom, for Tony.

His experience of London and living in the "Smoke" could give him chance to do the "knowledge" and get himself a cab-driver's license. This would give him ample opportunity to keep his debating skills sharp whilst passengers are in the car, although what would happen if he was confronted by Mr. Paxman whilst going the long way round, is not known.

His position as a straight man to Catherine Tate is still open, although he has expressed a reluctance to take custard pies in the face. He has been told in no uncertain terms that the catchphrase "Am I Bovvered" is not his to exploit, although he was heard to use it several times when the Iraq war was being discussed in cabinet meetings in the later days.

There are three other things he could do: Magician (he can pull surprises out of a hat), Teflon agent ("slippery" was his middle name), or he could carry on doing what he was best at: being Bush's poodle.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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