Written by NickFun
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Saturday, 21 July 2007

It seems everyone has an opinion as to whether being gay is a product of genetics, environment, biology societal conditioning or something else entirely. A beefy Republican friend of mine -- who claims to be "super straight" -- argues that it's a choice. He's totally anti-gay and brags about how much he hates gays. During our conversation I tried to be diplomatic with him, seeing as he was 6'3 and over 300lbs, but a moral sense of righteousness dictated that I stand my ground and prove to him that he's wrong. Our conversation went something like this:

Me: Being gay is not a choice.

Him: Of course it's a choice!

Me: Look, when you were a teenager did you "decide" that women were going to make your dick hard and men were not or did it just sorta happen all by itself?

Him: I decided!!!

Me: OK, you decided. In order for it to be a "choice" then you must get turned on by both men AND women! That means that YOU are gay my friend!

Him: I AM NOT GAY!!! (He pounds his fist on the desk and glares at me. Then he starts ranting and raving) WHO ARE YOU TO CALL ME GAY?? I'M A MARRIED MAN WITH TWO KIDS!!! I OUTA WHIP YOUR ASS HERE AN NOW!!!

I guess "ass-whipping" is a sure sign of "not being gay". His face turned flush with anger. He rose from his chair. At this point I ran for the door with him in pursuit. I was fast enough to escape him as staying in one place would have meant certain death. I haven't heard from him since.

No doubt about it. He's gay.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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