Written by Fred Peters
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Thursday, 19 July 2007

Hollywood's new star checked in for an interview with our Rogan Bishop. Beckham is rumoured to have had wood during the whole interview.

Hey David, what do you like about being in the States?

David Beckham:
I.. I like the way everyone really understands soccer here, it's great

Hey Dave, think you'll strike many in the goal bag this year?

David Beckham:
Er, aha, well I'm very much a team player..but my main goal is for my family to be happy.

Are you also a member of the Scientology family?

David Beckham:
Victoria was spotted reading a book on scientology yes.

So?


David Beckham:
I think she wanted to find a book all about the sciences, you know, biology, physicology and chemicology

What's your favourite, final quarter attack or flank play mid bowl?

David Beckham:
The first one.

So what's your knowledge of American sport?

David Beckham:
I should fit in very easily here - I'm a big fan of American sport.

What do you enjoy?

David Beckham:
I like the W.W.F and those monster trucks.

Do you follow the World Series?

David Beckham:
No but have you ever seen 'Britain's Strongest Man'? Ask me about the Spice Girls reunion.

Does Posh still wanna 'zigazig-aah'?

David Beckham:
She does. Zigazagging will definitely be part of the show, when they tour drive-ins from the north to the south coast.

But what does it mean?

David Beckham:
It means we need a new nanny.

HE RUBS HIS HANDS TOGETHER AND LICKS HIS LIPS.

Is the offside rule when an off-ensive dude wanders round the back end of de-fensive guys before the ball has been converted?

David Beckham:
I'll explain it to you later.

Can we use ketchup bottles?

David Beckham:
As long as F.I.F.A allow them

HE LAUGHS TOO HARD AND THE JOURNALISTS STARE BLANKLY.

Last question: describe brand Beckham.

David Beckham:
Well. If it was two people they would be galactic, pointy, greedy and would be gurning all the way to the bank.

I think we all agree, Brand Beckham is the real shit. David Beckham thank you.

APPLAUSE.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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