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Thursday, 12 July 2007

The scene is set in the conference room at No. 10 Downing Street.

Gordon Brown answers the phone.

Brown: Hello?

Bush: Hey there Gordon! How y'all doin'?

Brown: Oh, hello George. How's it hanging?

Bush: Great, buddy, just great. Listen, saw the photos of you and the wife on the steps waving, and a thought kinda struck me, if you don't mind me saying.

Brown: What thought was that, George?

Bush: Well, I kinda thought you should keep the pug ugly bitch away from the photo-opportunities in future, ya know what I mean? She kinda scared the horses round here, I tell you what. Ha ha!

Brown: Well, that's very anencephalic of you to say so, George, thanks very much.

(Bush waves his assistant over, cups the phone) Jimmy, he's using big words again. Look that up will ya? What the fuck does anencephalic mean?

Bush: Anyway, the reason I called is that we heard you had a casino deal go a bit tits up on y'all, thought we'd kinda help y'all out?

Brown: Really?

Bush: Yeah, we were sorta having a jaw about that deal in the 60s with that bridge, remember? How we kinda bought London Bridge, thought we were getting that nice tower thing, and you sent that plain concrete effort over? How we laughed at that one, Gordon, ol' buddy.

Brown: Yeah, we sorta laughed here, too.

Bush: Yeah, well, after a while we got to kinda thinking y'all got that casino problem, and well, to be honest with ya, we got a whole city full of 'em over here. We were thinking of shutting down one or two, but then Jimmy got this idea, like why don't we send you one as a gift? You know, ship it over, and help y'all build it in Manchester or Blackpool or maybe stick it inside that little ol' Dome thing y'all got going down there?

Brown: Well, George, that's a really nice thought, but..

Bush: Now, Gordon, don't start getting all soft on me ol' Buddy. Look, I tell ya what. I'll pack a casino off to ya, and I'll even throw in one of our top experts to help run it for a little while. Help out, you know? Sorta show you guys the ropes an' all. Yeah, got this guy here, What's his name Jimmy? Don? Dan? No, Don. Cor-le-ony. Yeah. Great fella. Always pays his taxes on time, if you know what I mean? He'll come, give y'all a lift. We'll send him over too.

Brown: Listen, George, we sort of have our own mob people over here, without you sending them to help us out, know what I mean?

Bush: Mob? Mob? Nah, Gordon, buddy, ya got us all wrong, here. Listen, he's not connected at all. He don't even come from Sicily. He's a Brooklyn boy, made it in Vagas. Nice chap, you'll love him. Has a hat an' everything.

Brown: Ok, Ok, George, I'll believe you. Alright, we'll have your second-hand casino, and your Mob manager. Anything you want in return?

Bush: Yeah, well, funny you should ask about that. We heard you had that little fucker Bin Laden's daughter-in-law living with you guys. We, um, kinda want a word with Bin Laden over that whole 9/11 thing, and thought well, if you sorta grabbed the woman and sent her over, we could kinda flush him out into the open, like, pick him off sorta clean?

Brown: You know that our country doesn't do that sort of thing, George, it's just not on.

Bush: Aw, come on now fella. It's just a little favour an' all. After all, you're getting a nice casino out of it…

Brown: Ok, Ok, George. We'll pack her off. Just make sure there's room at that X-Ray camp. Now then, this casino. What's it called?

Bush: It's a right nice one. Know you'll like it. It's called the Queen Elizabeth. Shaped a bit like a boat. You'll love it.

Brown: It was a boat, George. We built it, remember?

Bush: Did ya? Gerroutahere!! Well, that's cool. Anyway, we'll ship it over, you park it in Manchester, have Don look after it, you get loads a' bucks, we get Bin Laden. Saves us the reward money. Everyone wins. Deal?

Brown: Deal, George, deal.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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