Written by Aces-high
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Saturday, 23 June 2007

image for Bush Defecates on Constitution in Disturbing Late-night Ceremony Constitution

WASHINGTON - "Disturbing" is the best word this reporter can use to describe the incidents that took place at the White House over the Memorial Day weekend.

I got a call from a man on my voicemail telling only of "bizarre events" at the White House and that he needed to tell someone about it. He sounded shaken and distressed. Intrigued, I met him at a local club and we discussed it. He said he was a janitor at the White House, and on the Sunday night before Memorial Day, got locked inside after everyone left.

"I had this bad stomach cramp, and I couldn't wait. I ran into the Oval Office bathroom just in time, and I was in there for over an hour. I almost soiled myself," he told me.

Then, he said, strange things started happening.

"I was still in the bathroom when I heard the Oval Office doors open. Then I heard several men talking and laughing. God, I was so scared! I could lose my job!" He continues, "There's a two-way mirror to the left of the sink, so I cleaned up, turned off the light, and looked through it. I saw Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld just standing there talking, then…then…" He wept, but he needed to get it out.

"They took this six-foot, blow-up model of the Statue of Liberty and urinated on it. Then they repeatedly punched it until there was no air left in it." Odd enough, but he continues: "They all got naked except for their underwear, tied US Flags around their necks, then ran and jumped around the room and on the furniture like they were Superman or Batman."

And even more disturbing…

"This is…this is hard for me…" He breaks down again, but I urge him to continue, "Then…then they lay what looked like the original copy of the US Constitution on the floor, and they…they all took turns defecating on it."

Several calls were made to the White House for comment but there was no answer. Their e-mail servers seem to be down also.

Asked about the incident, Laura Bush said, "It doesn't surprise me in the least. Why, just a month or so ago, while me and Dubya where having sex, he kept calling me "Rummy" and "Dicky-boy."

Copyright 2007 Aces-high

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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