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Thursday, 21 June 2007

24 May 2007

Geoffrey Archer
Via Email


Dear Sir

I am your biggest fan and have read all of your books. Not even that jail breaking, self proclaiming Baron of Weston-super-Mare can weave a tale like you do. I particularly enjoyed your booked entitled "As the Crow Flies", the story of a young man's journey from dirt poor barrow boy to Arabic billionaire owner of Harrods. Thrilling stuff indeed. But I digress.

As I write I can barely contain my excitement and joy at your show Fortune: Million Pound Giveaway.

England has for too long now been overly concerned with leftist views and thoughts. Just look at the Government we have in place now. A group of limp-wristed, tree-hugging vegetarians waving copies of the Guardian around would look positively neo-fascist compared to that lot.

My neighbour is one such liberal who had spent too much time in his native middle-class Australia to realise that here in Britain the class difference still exists.

Now there is a show which highlights this in fabulous fashion. It is exquisitely produced. The panel is out of the top drawer: the gay-looking yet manly bloke with the hair extensions, the power hungry alpha females, the grumpy old bugger who should really be in bed at the time the show is on and of course you, auteur extraordinaire.

My grandfather grew up in a day and age when peasants from the fields would come, cap in hand, and beg for some money to buy bread, milk and lard for his family (the peasant's, not my grandfather's) who lived in a small shack out on the lands. This was his privilege, he said, as he and his father before him had taken on and beaten those fascists from Germany - twice! My great uncle was also instrumental in the Cold War sparring against those Marx-quoting Communists from across the Iron Curtain.
Sadly, these privileges have slowly eroded away. But they are back again - and in all their glory on prime time television that even my nieces and nephews can enjoy. They have confided in me that one day they would like to be millionaires so that they too can feel the power of dictating the proletariat's lives with a simple snap of the fingers.

Sir, Channel Four may think they got it right with Celebrity Big Brother, but even they have had problems with those leftists shouting "racism" at every opportunity. With this show, you and your panel have hit the button right on.

I have more ideas for future shows including Meg Matthews making a guest appearance on the show demanding a new Aston Martin Vanquish S from her lover Simon Jordan and a short insert where Duncan Bannatyne berates an orphan, shouting "More boy? More?" There are plenty more ideas where those come from.

Keep up the good work. The hoi polloi have had it their way for too long!

Yours truly

R S V Peters

PS: My wife, Bella, says I have confused you with that wannabe spy thriller author, Jeffrey Archer. I tried to reason with her with my own version of a cat o' nine tails, but she locked herself in the front room and hasn't come out yet.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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