In breaking news this intrepid reporter has just witnessed that Dow Jones Bancroft has jumped from the top of The Wall Street Journal building, and taken the whole family with him. What a tragedy! The New York Stock Exchange will collapse and take the world with it.
Oh, Ladies and Gentleman, 'The Horror, The Horror!' Tears are streaming down my face now as I peer into the lighted darkness of a New York side alley.
"We're being raped by Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious..." the family screamed as it jumped into the night. Unfortunately, unlike Mary Poppins, the family forgot their umbrellas.
WAIT, WAIT, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN... Is it a bird, is it a plane, NO, it's Superman! What a save.
Yes, yes, Superman has scooped up the entire family and deposited them back on the top of The Wall Street Journal building, amongst the gargoyles, where they belong.
"Thanks Superman.." whispered one female member of the family.
"No problem ma'am." replied Superman. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to be in a Lane." And Superman flew off.