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Wednesday, 11 February 2004

image for And finally, Moby is a monkey. Monkey Moby in a rare non-banana eating moment

That's right. Moby is a monkey. A simian musician. A primate philanthropist. A banana diet denizen of NYC.

Moby Moby, of NYC, is a monkey. He has ears. He has a mouth with which to eat bananas and ants and the like. He has eyes with which to see nits on the other monkey's heads. He runs about in a very monkeyish way. He is friends with Michael Moore, as many monkeys are. That is not to say the monkeys are bad or silly. Michael Moore is a very respectable fellow. It is just that he is associated with monkeys too.

Moby lives in a very tall building. This is often misrepresented as an apartment. When the cameras are off, Moby flips the switch and the entire "apartment" converts to a monkey paradise in which everyone bounces around the room and climbs the DJ Tree whilst eating bananas by the bushel.

You see? Go? The song? It is really titled "Go, Be a Monkey" but it did not make it into the song for rhythm and beat reasons. Porcelain? You guessed it. "Porcelain Monkey" Again, no one knows because it is all a conspiracy. Bush is a monkey. But he is a bad monkey without the benefit of a brain which enables him to use sticks as tools to eat ants. Without the ants, he lacks the proteins needed to emulate human speech. And now you know. He is the evil monkey. He lives in the "White House" but is more often at Camp David wherein he spends his time in the evil trees eating evil bananas sent by the evil Gorganzolas. But we won't talk about the evil Gorganzolas because children are present.

Why did we go to war with Iraq and Afghanistan? George W. Bush is an evil monkey. His name is really George Monkey Herbert Walker Monkey Bush. He is a doubly evil monkey and it is thusly apparent!

Now. Moby is a good monkey. He would never hurt a fly. He will eat ants. But not usually. Only when forced. Bananas are his thing. George M. H. W. M. Bush is so evil that once he stalked Monkey Moby all around the earth to steal his Moby Bananas (TM). Moby, the aware monkey he is, was cognizant of this evil monkey plot and thwarted it. I cannot say how, because even to this day, it is one of the most guarded secrets in the Monkey Bible of Monkeys.

In fact, I cannot tell you more at this point. Learn the truth. See the monkeys. Watch out for Evil Monkey Bush or he will eat your banana. And no one wants Bush to eat their banana.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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