Written by Richard Silver
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Thursday, 7 June 2007

image for Kevin Federline to marry Paris Hilton? K-fed goes a huntin' skirt

Musician and celebrity Kevin Federline goes through a hard time in his life ever since his divorce with Britney Spears.

"After I divorced with her, I really hoped that now I would have more time to concentrate on my career, and maybe even take out a new CD, you know what I mean." Kevin explained to our correspondent when he was interviewed in his van, yesterday.

"But it seems I'm having some real bad luck lately, you know. None of my producers is answering my calls. And that's real bad, 'cause I really wanna start working on that new album. All that mess and disagreement I have with my fellow musicians, I just don't have the money to pay them for the help they're giving me, and it sucks, you know. I'm disappointing my fans, it's a real bummer."

Well, Kevin, it's okay, we share your pain. We're sure your imaginary fans would understand too, and be ready to wait for that new CD until your life get back in track. But that's not the reason we're here. We're here because you have an original new idea.

"That's correct, my mate. I've recently heard in the news of all those troubles my ex-wife's good friend Paris is having. So I thought, jeez, that girl is just like me. A nice girl whose life has been ruined by those damn paparazzi photographers and celebrity-hunters. So I just wanted to say- Paris Hilton, if you're listening to this, marry me. Sure, I ain't rich but I'm talented, and I've got good connections. Jail or wherever you would end up at, I'd get you out of there, and then we can get married and you'd help me with my career, forget about Britney, she isn't worth it."

Please, let us not talk of your your talents, Kevin. I don't know what connections you have there, I don't see even an Internet connection in this van here. But it looks like your ex-wife, Britney, has already something to say about your suggestion to miss Hilton.

"I swear to God, Paris, if you let this wigger in your house, I'm deleting your phone numbers form my list, all thirty of them. I'm warning you, if you see a van passing within five miles of your house, shoot, don't hesitate! I'm serious, girlfriend!"

We have yet to receive a response to Kevin's, ahem... Generous offer from Paris herself. She seems to have more important matters to take care of right now. Anyway, we would follow where this story is going in the next week's Celebrity News.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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