Written by Cal Jennings
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Tags: Marketing

Monday, 21 May 2007

The Bush MLM Plan

This Multi-Level Marketing Plan combines regular Multi-Level Marketing

with full blown pyramid schemes! Just look what it did for Bill Blohme.
Bill went from living under a newspaper in an alley to making over 4 billion dollars a year! In his first week, he found a quarter on the street, invested it in our program, and by the end of the week had made over 500 million dollars! There are no products to sell, no advertizing to do, no stock or storage area to maintain! We are selling an idea!

There are several plans from which to choose. The entry level plan starts at 25 cents and gives you the forms to fill out. All you have to provide is:

  • Your Name
  • The Name of Your Bank
  • Your Bank Account Number
  • Your Social Security Number
  • Your Credit Card Numbers
  • Your Date of Birth
  • Your Mother's Maiden Name
  • The age of your firstborn male child
  • Your Arrest Record
  • Your Service Record
  • Your Sexual Orientation
  • Your Favorite Sexual Positions
  • Your Philosophy
  • Your Religious Affiliations
  • The Name of Your First Lover
  • All Past and Current Sexual Experiences
  • Your Deepest, Darkest Secret

It provides you with the details of the plan printed on regular printer paper so you can get your start in our business today! Just send us all the money you make from selling this plan and we'll send you a check for 10% of what you sold in the mail on the first of each month. You could be the next Bill Blohme.

    Our Copper Level starts at $100.

    Our Copper Level participants get a full color booklet with the details of the plan. You can get in for this low, low price and purchase books, flyers, pamphlets, tapes, CDs, and DVDs as you need them. Just provide the information listed in the 25 cent plan and you'll be on your way. You'll get a check for 20% of what you sold, plus a 10% commission on each person you sign up. The check will be mailed to you on the first of each month.

    Our Silver Level starts at $1000.

    Our Silver Level participants get a softbound full color booklet with graphs and pictures to help you sell the plan. You get five flyers, five, count 'em five pamphlets, one tape, one CD, and can purchase additional materials at a 10% discount of our low, low prices.

    Our Gold Level starts at $100,000.

    Our Gold Level participants get a hardbound full color prospectus with pictures, graphs, and information to help you build your business and gather associates. You get ten flyers, ten pamphlets, 5 tapes, 5 CDs, 5 DVDs, and SPECIAL Gold Member Status in the club! Just provide the information listed in the 25 cent plan and give us your payroll number. You'll get a check for 30% of what you sold, plus a 20% commission on each person you sign up. The check will be mailed to you on the first of each month. You also get honorary status in the Greedy Bastards Club.

    Our Platinum Level starts at $1,000,000.

    Our Platinum Level participants get a hardbound full color prospectus with pictures, graphs, and information to help you build your business and gather associates. You get a a hundred flyers, a hundred pamphlets, 50 tapes, 50 CDs, 50 DVDs, and SPECIAL Platinum Member Status in the club! Just provide the information listed in the 25 cent plan and give us your payroll number and the number to your Swiss Bank Accounts. You'll get a check for 50% of what you sold, plus a 50% commission on each person you sign up. The check will be mailed to you on the first of each month. You also get full status in the Greedy Bastards Club.

Act now and you also get a full color poster of the last Greedy Bastards Club gathering. Be the first on your block to own one. That's not all!

You also get free registration in the Nazi Republican Party! Is that all? Let me ask my dad? What dad? There's more?

My dad says that if you are one of the first 100 people to join at our $100 level, he'll also throw in an autographed picture of him giving his New World Order speech, so HURRY! Be sure to enclose a self-addressed, stamped envelope in case you get one of these! You'll also have the satisfaction of knowing that you supported your Christian president, George W. Bush!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!
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