Written by susan allen-rosario

Print this
Tags: Men, Penis

Not yet published

image for Gentlemen…be kind to your penis It was just a moment in time...

It was just a moment in time. It was one of those moments that you think very little of until it happens again, in real time, and you were there.

She stormed into the exam room armed with the most visually disturbing verbiage.

"Today, I am talking to ALL the little boys who want to put straight pins in their penis! No matter how much you want to you should never put anything in your penis," she said.

I agreed with her completely and gave my son " the doctor knows what's best " approval nod and then asked the question most important in a discussion of such an uncomfortable and painful topic.

Do kids really do that?

"They do, she said, and they will. I removed a pencil yesterday from a young man who will put anything he can find in his penis."

Thinking that perhaps our doctor was giving our son a bit of terrifying advice based on a new form of fear inducing cautionary tales, I never thought of it again for a very long while…

Nothing in my life and I do mean NOTHING could have prepared me for what I have encountered working, as a nurse, in a prison infirmary. I do not remember a chapter in any nursing textbook that I ever read, dedicated to things I might find in a penis or anal cavity. I can only imagine what they might address if there were any. I can see the chapter titles now…

New Uses for Shampoo Bottles, or An Apple? Really?

It's Up There So Lets Fix It! Or how about, Paper clips, Pencils, Your Penis, and You…(How you can talk to the offenders about self-harm.)

This kind of behavior has destroyed everything I was taught about a man and his dick.

"He thinks with his dick," they said. "Protect the family jewels," they said.

But in fact, I had to buy a nut-cup for all my boys when they played sports. It was difficult and I always bought the wrong size. They would ask me questions at the store like, how big is your son? I told them that I never look down there.

"They are very private about such things, I said. "No lady, we mean how old and how tall?" "Oh."

I made a suggestion that maybe we needed to supply a users manual for each offender when they come to the prison…we could have different kinds for a variety of skill levels…

"Your Penis and You" or "It's your Anus and you can Cry if you want too."
But for those with a very low level of comprehension…

Dick? Friend!

« Return to your writers' desk


Go to top ^