Written by Gail Farrelly
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Thursday, 5 December 2013

image for Dumpster Diving Is New Way to Get an Emmy Award Is it worth taking a dive for this?

Folks in the television industry now recommend this as the BEST way to capture that award. They discovered this after reading an article in the New York Post: Worker Snags an Emmy ... that he found in trash.

Forget arm twisting, lobbying, spending tons of money to "buy" votes. Not worth it, those in the know say.

After interviewing approximately 100 dumpster divers for Emmys on the streets of NYC, Spoof reporter Gail Farrelly quoted a few of their comments:

-- A Lysol-spraying, fiftyish, male writer of TV documentaries: "I'd rather be out here where the action is, rather than holed up in some dusty old library."

-- A stunning young TV actress, brushing banana skins from her blond ponytail: "It's sort of like dunking for apples, but a little messier. The work isn't pleasant, but I'd rather do this than spend hours in the arms of some filthy director on his casting couch."

-- A middle-aged female TV public relations coordinator, dressed head to toe in a disposable, bright yellow Hazmat suit: "I kinda like this assignment. No wardrobe worries, and I have a costume at the ready for next Halloween."

Onlookers wonder: Can dumpster diving for Oscar awards be far behind? And what about the Golden Globes?

The late track star Jesse Owens had his priorities straight. On the subject of awards, he said, "Awards become corroded, friends gather no dust."

Amen.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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