Written by Auntie Matter
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Monday, 23 September 2013

image for New Hollywood Movie "Fuselage" Set to Break Box Office Records. Hooray for Hollywood!

The story involves an ex-airline pilot who becomes a rock star. When his plane is hijacked by Al Qaeda with three hundred passengers on board Al Palermo is lucky to escape with his life, as one of only three survivors. He figures it is time to hand in his wings. Not yet turned forty he believes, as he leaves the sanatorium, carrying the guitar that a fellow inmate gave him just before he hanged himself, that he still has a chance at a new life. As a boy he always wanted to be a singer and when he hooks up with an old flame and ex-stewardess in Memphis she sets him on the road to writing and performing. Starring Johnny Depp and Angelina Jolie it has received rave reviews and grossed nearly forty million dollars already in its first week.

Our reporter talked to writer and producer Luigi Sondheim:

"Where did you get the idea from...?"

"Stole it... Actually, my wife Pam was reading a short story in some mag or other and...."Hey!" she exclaimed, "this would make a fucking great movie." "And that was that. It had everything, drama, politics, love, sex, romance. Every burnt out bastard in this world wants a second chance. And everybody thinks he can sing like a nightingale and the world will get to know about it some day if only he gets a break; and every broad wants to turn a pig's ear into a silk purse full of dough; and every brain-dead bitch under the age of thirty wants to make out with a pilot. How dafuck could we get it wrong? So I phones up my brother-in-law Francis and we talk about it for a while over drinks around at his place in Malibu where he was conducting some sort of Lucifer worship thing on the lawn with a few of the guys. Wrote me a cheque on the spot."

"Sounds simple."

"It is simple!... if you got fifty million bucks."

"But, they say the writing is superb and the direction..."

"We bought the brains...and I took the credit, big deal... and I did the direction... piece of cake... picked it up in a week. Gimme a break! Films is about dough-ray-me... if you see art in the product we are all very happy for you. As for the critics.... did I say fifty million? Make it sixty. We're expecting a truck load of Oscars."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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