Written by Moe Nightwalker
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Sunday, 11 August 2013

image for Men Breaking Rule, Dating Older Women

It is well known that men, after a divorce, look for a woman half their age plus 10 years. Recently, some men have secretly been breaking this rule and going for older women.

"There are so many advantages to dating and marrying older women," explains "Tom," who asked for his name to be changed to prevent heckling from his buddies. "Other men may think I'm crazy, but these women are great. I don't even want to tell my friends because I have such a great monopoly on this wonderful age group."

Tom was turned on to older women by his friend Bill. While their friends were looking for younger women, Bill realized that there was a huge supply of older women, and he had very little competition. Bill and Tom explained some of the many advantages:

1. There is no fear of pregnancy, which is especially helpful if a man is still paying child support, on top of alimony.
2. Older women already have their own 401k.
3. They can legally share a bottle of wine.
4. They remember rotary phones, VHS, and other things from the '70's and '80's allowing them to get the man's jokes. Tom says, "Nothing makes me feel worse than when a woman says 'Why do you call Tom Hanks your bosom buddy? Are you gay?'"
5. They go to bed at a reasonable hour.
6. "I save on heating bills," Bill says. "When the hot flashes start, I can turn the heat off and the bed is still comfortable. And no more annoying cold feet that younger women have."
7. Women's worsening vision as they age means they don't notice as the man ages and gains weight. They also can't see when the man is checking out another woman.
8. Older women stop asking "How do I look? Does this make me look fat?"
9. After years of sexual disappointments, they know how to fake appreciation.
10. If you marry, she has lower car insurance rates.
11. They will have an opinion on your plans for an evening out, rather than the annoying "I don't know. You decide." so popular with younger women.
12. They will know how to cook or bake at least a few special items.
13. Their friends and family won't think you're a sad, dirty old man.
14. They won't be embarrassed picking up your Viagra prescription at the pharmacy.
15. They won't make fun of your partially outdated wardrobe.
16. They probably know how to drive a stick shift.
17. And both Bill and Tom feel the best advantage to dating older women is no more PMS.

Some elite daters of older women have progressed to senior women. Bill explains, "After two divorces, I can only afford the early bird specials and that's all my sexy senior wants anyway."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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