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Saturday, 3 August 2013

image for Wall Street Journal attempting to appeal to female readers with "Ten ways to drive your economy wild."

In an effort to appeal to younger and female demographics, the Wall Street Journal ran an editorial in its weekend edition entitled "Ten ways to drive your economy wild", reproduced here.

1. Send your economy salacious consumer confidence indicators throughout the day.

2. Dirty talk: don't be afraid to show your economy your inner Chairman of the Joint Select Committee on Deficit Reduction. Nothing turns an economy on quicker than, "I need my structural unemployment reduced so bad," or "Oh, God, your labor force participation rate is so fucking huge right now."

3. Take control: some economies really enjoy it when you suddenly cut corporate taxes or slash interest rates without warning. It saves them the trouble of having to do the work themselves.

4. Be spontaneous: invest in the public sector without warning.

5. Tease it: "Look at all this undeveloped land and seasonally-unemployed workers. Oops! Looks like I might've have dropped my funding for wildlife preservation. Oh, dear! Now I've dropped my government-subsidized barriers to market entry too!"

6. Get rough: tie down a few of your economy's financial sectors, pursue a restrictive monetary policy, and make him beg to be deregulated.

7. Some economies really love watching themselves when they're with you. Make sure you always have a real G.D.P. progress indicator handy.

8. Literature. Don't be "embarrassed" to use things like The Wealth of Nations or A Monetary History of the United States for inspiration.

9. Be adventurous: see how many markets you can open in regions where you've never experienced sustained growth before.

10. Be vocal: issue a lot of over-the-top economic progress reports; who cares if it annoys the neighboring markets? Economies are naturally insecure, and consumers that show their appreciation are a giant confidence-booster.

While reaction has so far been mixed, reception has gone over better than recent New York Times advice column "How liberals can continue to pretend Obama cares about civil liberties".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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